


Love Me Again

by RevisionaryHistory



Series: The Care and Feeding of Nathan [21]
Category: Nathan Sykes (Musician), The Wanted (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:16:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6468079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevisionaryHistory/pseuds/RevisionaryHistory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan recognizes his mistake, but can he do what it takes to make it right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

~*~Nathan~*~

I dropped my head onto the table, my fingers laced behind my head. The amount of relief I felt with those five little words was astounding. I stayed like that and let myself breath. 

I heard Max’s voice, “Nath?”

I turned my head to find his face inches from mine, “Yeah?”

“You alright?” I slid my phone to him. The text was still pulled up. I watched his eyes read then look back at me, “What did you do to get a response?” 

“Jumped off the cliff.” That’s what it felt like anyway.

He smirked, “Good boy. Now you need to answer.”

“I know.” Problem was I didn’t know what to say. I think part of me really didn’t expect a reply and she hadn’t given me much to follow up on. Another cliff it is!

To Kristin: I wish you would have been here with Lindsey

After ten minutes with no reply I knew one wasn’t coming. That’s ok. She’d responded. I could be patient. If it took flowers for her to respond then I’d send them every day. Whatever it took to get a chance to make this better, I’d do. There were no guarantees, but I would do my damndest. If nothing else I owed her an apology and explanation. If she couldn’t forgive me I’d learn to live with that.

The gig that night was insane and there was no way to get to the busses except through a crowd of girls. Kevin was nervous. We weren’t. I was in a fantastic mood and wasn’t bothered with some groping and screaming. We were all hopped up as we headed out and it was fine. There was a barricade and we worked the line giving the girls what they wanted. Well, some of what they wanted. Jay and Max gave their hotel room numbers to two lucky ladies. I went to my room, crawled into bed, and plotted my next move. I was surfing a site with cookie bouquets. I was saving the daisy cookies that were on sticks in a pot when my text notification went off.

From Kristin: I couldn’t

My hands shook. We were in the same time zone. I imagined that she knew I’d be back in my room and had waited for me. I couldn’t even count the number of times we’d had quiet conversations late at night after a gig.

To Kristin: I understand. Just a wish. How is school?  
From Kristin: Almost over. The tour?  
To Kristin: Not almost over. It’s incredible. I love the staging and the set list. Fun times.  
From Kristin: I’m happy for you  
To Kristin: Thank you

This is where I wanted to vomit emotion all over. “It would be better with you here. I miss you. Please, come back. I’m not happy without you. I was wrong. Forgive me. I love you.” 

From Kristin: What do you want, Nathan?  
From Kristin: Not being bitchy. It’s been months.  
To Kristin: I know.

I hate how strained this is. I knew it would be, but I hate it. It’s so like her to cut to the chase. What do I want? “You.” I’m pretty sure that’s the wrong answer. Well, the too much, too soon answer. Why is my phone wet? Oh, because I’m crying. Brilliant.

To Kristin: I want to talk with you. I owe you an explanation and an apology.   
To Kristin: Beyond that is up to you.  
To Kristin: I have no right to ask, but I’m asking. Come see me.  
From Kristin: I need to think.   
To Kristin: Take as long as you need.  
From Kristin: I’ll let you know by Wednesday.  
To Kristin: Thank you  
From Kristin: Goodnight, Nathan  
To Kristin: Goodnight, Kristin

After about a minute I decided to stop trying to figure out if I was positively sobbing because I was happy or scared to death.

 

~*~Kristin~*~

I don’t know if I’m crying because I’m happy or scared to death. I’m still furious with him, but I also know I’ll end up seeing him. I need some time to figure out when I want to do this. Not tonight though. Tonight I’m going to sleep on it. 

Little to no sleeping actually occurred. I drug my tired ass into work early and pulled up his tour schedule. This weekend was Missouri and Oklahoma and then they were off to the west coast. I didn’t relish the thought of a six hour plane ride while trying to not burst into tears again. So Missouri wins. During my planning I researched flights that worked without me taking off work.

To Nathan: Can I meet you in Kansas City?  
From Nathan: Anywhere you want  
From Nathan: When is that?

I couldn’t help but smile. That boy never knows where he is.

To Nathan: Friday  
From Nathan: Brilliant  
To Nathan: My flight gets in at 7, so I’ll see you after the show. Will you get me a room?  
From Nathan: Of course. Are you leaving Saturday or Sunday?  
To Nathan: Sunday  
From Nathan: Thank you . . .  
From Nathan: See you Friday  
To Nathan: See you Friday

 

~*~Nathan~*~

Not only did she answer on Tuesday, she’ll be here on Friday. On my mental list of good vs bad signs both of those go under good. Oh, and staying until Sunday. Definitely good. Plenty of time to talk. 

On Friday I was a nervous wreck. We checked in and I ran around making sure everything was as I’d thought it out. I assumed she’d text Kevin when she got to the venue, as she’d always done. He’d get her seated. Having to get her room key from me was potentially awkward, so I gave that to Kevin. If she wanted to leave the gig she had a place to go. I wanted this to be as easy for her as possible. I’d wrecked this and felt an enormous responsibility for her. Protective. Even from me.

We finished sound check, meet and greet then headed to catering. I sat there moving my food around my plate. My stomach was in knots. I pushed my plate away. Kevin pushed it back, “Gotta eat, baby Nayf.”

I looked up, “I’ll vomit, mate.”

“Better than dry heaves. You’ll need the energy, you’ve got a long night ahead of you.” He was right, so I ate.

Fifteen minutes later back in the dressing room I dove for the bathroom and watched dinner leave the same way it went in. I sat on the floor wedged between the toilet and the wall. It was nice there. There was a knock on the door and Max walked in, “Ew, you’re pale.” He grabbed a washcloth, wet it, and handed it down to me. “You need to sort yourself out.”

I looked up, “Yeah, I know.”

“Here’s how this is going to go. You’re going to pretty yourself up, get on stage and do all the things you do that your ex-girlfriend thinks are adorable. Then you two will go off and talk. There will be screaming and crying and it will be horrible. You will sit there and take her anger and apologize. Once you’re through that, it will be better. It may take tonight and tomorrow, but it will be better.”

“You think so?”

Max sat on the floor next to me, put his arm around my shoulder, “She gave her cheating husband a second chance. Be honest, take the blame for what’s yours, and don’t do anything stupid.” He kissed my head, “It’ll be ok. And if it’s not, we’ll drink a lot and get you through it, but you’ll have tried.”

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, “I was feeling better until that last bit.”

“Reality’s a bitch.” He stood up and held his hand out to me, “Let’s get your ass ready to go.” 

I stopped him from opening the door, “I need a favor.”

“More than my excellent pep talk?”

“Yes, although I do appreciate that. Sort of.” I shook my head and he laughed, “I know you want to stay out of the middle, but this weekend I want you to be there for her. She’s here without friends that aren’t my friends. Screw me, I want you to be her friend. Answer anything, throw me under the bus, whatever. Take care of her.” I hoped he could tell how serious I was.

His face showed he could and he nodded, “It’s going to be ok, Nathan.”

In the middle of the second song Kevin disappeared. By the middle of the third Kristin was over in a side alcove with Kelsey and Nareesha. The three hugged and jumped up and down. Cute. This time when I looked over she didn’t avoid my eyes. Adrenaline surged.

Backstage I was nervous again. There was no way for this not to be weird. My heart stopped when she came in with the girls. Everything about her was exaggerated. Her hair was longer and looked silkier. She’d worn it in messy curls that looked like she’d put no effort into it. I knew better. Her makeup accented her features and her blue blue eyes. She wore jeans and a light blue sweater, comfortable clothes for a plane. She looked amazing.

She hugged the boys before getting to me. Her arms were crossed protectively across her chest, which broke my heart a little. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tom cringe, “Awkward.”

That made us both smile. I put a hand on her arm and kissed her cheek quickly, “Hey.”

“Hey, Nathan.”

Tom again, “Alright, let’s get it together and get out of here. Things to do.”

The lads saved us from awkward silence by keeping up a steady stream of conversation in the dressing room and van back to the hotel. They wandered on ahead in the lobby. I looked over feeling more insecure and awkward than our first date or the night we met. “Are you hungry or want to get a drink?”

She shook her head, “Not right now, maybe later.” 

“Where do you want to talk?”

“Let me drop my stuff off then I’ll come to yours.”

That gave her an escape, she could get away. She was two doors down and across the hall from Max, who was next door to me. I stopped at her door, “I’m in 309” and pointed.

“Ok, I’ll be over in a few.” With that she disappeared into her room.

I went into mine considering how long it would take me to down a beer.


	2. Chapter 2

~*~Nathan~*~

A few minutes later there was a knock at my door. Kristin had changed into sweat pants, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. Her arms were crossed tight across her chest. “You look cute.”

“Thank you.”

I wanted to hug her. “Can I hug you?”

She shook her head and walked past me, curling into the corner of the couch. I can’t say I was surprised by her answer, but it still stung. I sat on the chair across from her, “I hate that you’re so protected.” She had her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around them. I was hoping if I said something she’d “unclench.” Nope. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Didn’t mean to hurt me?” Her tone was clearly sarcastic. “You got out of bed, broke up with me, and left the country, Nathan. I didn’t even have time to comprehend what the hell you were saying and you were gone!” The last words were yelled and I cringed. “Cowardly asshole!”

She was right. “I behaved horribly.”

“You’re fucking right you did. You completely blindsided me. I didn’t know anything was wrong. I thought we were fine, happy. Then I’m alone in a hotel in Los Angeles. I’d thank you for the expensive breakfast I ordered after you left except that I barely ate any of it before throwing up. That’s when the crying started. I laid in bed doing that for a nice long while then made my way to the airport for an incredibly fun six hour plane ride home. I felt like I was watching a movie where the girl sits on the plane alternating between anger and sadness. I didn’t know what to feel.” She stopped and took a breather. “I still don’t know how to feel. I still don’t understand.” She chuckled a bit, “Probably because you never gave me a chance to ask.”

I’m not sure what she could have said to make me feel worse, but I was afraid there was more. Not that I didn’t deserve it. “Ask now.”

“Why?” She looked at me with raised eyebrows and a lot of anger.

I played with my fingers nervously as I talked, “You already know how much pressure we were all under. The album didn’t do as well as we’d hoped. We were fighting with everyone and each other about the next one, but we knew we needed it to be out soon. We had this world tour coming up that had sold so well in Europe, but not so well in the US. The tabloids always up our arse about everything.”

“What does that have to do with breaking up with me?”

“Getting there. When we’d started out all the interviews and social media stuff was focused on the music and the tour and the fans. Now everything was about partying, what stupid thing one of us said, fighting with One Direction, girlfriends, and how shit we are. The five of us sat down and decided we needed to clean up our act. No more drinking before gigs, watching our mouths just a bit, and putting a bit more effort into being professional. Maybe that would have been enough, I don’t know. I got this idea that if I stripped everything away where there was nothing to focus on but the music then it would be better. If I ended it in LA I’d have a week off to sort myself out before rehearsals started, then that week as a cushion before the tour. Then the tour would be nothing but the music. I realize how absolutely ludicrous that sounds now, but at the time I just wanted the pressure off. I needed the pressure off.” I wiped at my eyes. Listening to the words as I said them sounded so stupid. “I panicked, I freaked out, I don’t know. It made sense at the time.”

She didn’t seem angry now. She looked sad, which was worse than angry. “We talked about everything. You were the one to tell me we’d be ok after the miscarriage because we would keep talking. Why didn’t you talk to me?”

I shook my head and held up my hands, “I knew if I talked to you, you’d poke holes in my logic and I didn’t want that. I wanted to clear out all the clutter and start back with what I’d originally wanted. I wanted to be away from everything, I wanted to push everything away so I could breathe, and I thought that meant you too.” I sighed and fisted my hand in my hair, “Does this make any sense at all to you? Have you ever wanted the world to stop for just a minute so you could get off?”

“When I left Jason. I let him keep everything and started over. I wanted nothing of my former life. With mom and dad and him . . . it was too much. I needed a clean start. So yes, I can understand that feeling of wanting to push it all away.” She unfolded her legs and relaxed her arms, her hands in her lap, “Did it work?”

I’d lost the thread listening to her, “Did what work?”

“Did all that and ending us make the pressure less. Did it work?”

“None of it worked. When we weren’t drunken idiots they still found things other than the music to focus on. Gossip rags don’t make money off the music. They just found other shit to write about, true or not. There’s no way to stop it. Different topics, but the same bullshit. Only it was worse because I didn’t have you. I’d thought ending it with you would make it better, when in reality you were what made it better. Massive mistake.”

“When did you figure that out?” Her voice was so quiet.

“Didn’t take long. Maybe the second week of the tour.”

“Why didn’t you call me then? It’s been over three months.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed, “When you didn’t text or call I figured you were ok with it. Then that thing on twitter and you screaming that you hated me. I didn’t.”

“Because I’d hurt your feelings by doing nothing.” I nodded. She laughed, “That’s pretty rich, Nathan.”

Now that pissed me off, “Look, I know that I’m the one responsible for this mess, but I felt like shit. I just ended it with the woman I loved. Not only did I not have you, I knew I’d hurt you. It hurt me too. I laid in my bed in Gloucester with a shirt that smelled like you and cried too. I wasn’t running around happy to be a free man.”

“Yeah, well, immediately telling your one million fans that you were single again didn’t look like you were suffering.”

This had quickly spiraled to ugly and I didn’t want that. I also couldn’t stop it. We were both yelling. “I was though. I had everything ready to go that morning so I could run away as fast as I could because I knew it would feel like gutting my damned self.”

“Coward.” She spat the word at me.

“Yes, completely!” I was on my feet, screaming at the ceiling and flailing my arms around, “I fucked up in every way possible. But it still hurt when you didn’t fight for us.”

She was up too, arms just as wild, “I didn’t know what I was fighting for!” As soon as the angry words died in the air she looked utterly defeated, wrapping her arms around herself again, “I didn’t know what there was to fight for. I didn’t know who you were anymore.”

I was suddenly so very exhausted. I sat back down. I watched her curl her feet underneath her. Tears were streaming down her face. And mine. “What do you mean? You didn’t know who I was anymore?” Before she could answer I went to the bathroom and grabbed the tissues. I pulled a few for myself and handed her the box.

She blew her nose and wiped away her tears. “My Nathan would never do what you did. He loved me, protected me, flew across the country when I was sick, and treasured what we had. We’d dealt with surgery and miscarriage and fans and his mother and distance together. This person who was so uncaring and disrespectful to our relationship, cowardly, and cruel to me . . . I didn’t know him. I didn’t want to know him. Why would I fight for him?”

Oh god, what had I done? She’s right. Everything I’d done was completely not us. I’d smashed not only what we’d built, but who we were. The trust I’d fought so hard for, built so carefully, I’d crushed. “I’m sorry. So so so sorry. I made a horrible awful mistake and was horrible to you. I’m so sorry, Kristin.” We sat there across the room from each other crying. The space between us felt like miles instead of feet. I didn’t know if we could close that space. “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m begging you to try.”

She smiled a tiny sad smile through tears and nodded as she stood up, “I need to go to bed.” 

I followed her to the door and held it open, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Bright and early.”

I grabbed her arm, “Kristin, I am sorry.” I poured every ounce of me into those words.

“Me too.”

The door wasn’t closed before I had my phone out.

To Max: GET HER!!!


	3. Chapter 3

*~*~Kristin~*~  
I'd barely pulled my card key out of the pocket of my hoodie when I felt an arm grab around my stomach from behind. The voice that accompanied the arm saved me from screaming. "Come with me" was in Max's heavy Manchester drawl.  
I put my hands on his arm, "I want to go to bed, Max."  
"No, you don’t. You want to talk to me." He hitched me up on his hip and drug me across the hall into his room.  
I waited until he sat me down so I could face him. "Don't want you in the middle." I'd said this before.  
He shook his head and held my hands, "I'm not in the middle. I'm all yours. Answer any questions, throw him under the bus, whatever you need." He nodded and shifted his eyes toward Nathan's room, "He's asked me to."  
I felt my eyes immediately start to burn and my lip quivering. I pulled my hands from his to wrap them around him, burying my face against his neck. I needed a friend. My plan had been to wake up Lindsey, but this was better. In person was always better. "It was horrible. We're screaming at each other saying such angry things."  
"I'm sorry, Kristin." He held me tight as I cried.

"We've never spoken to each other like that."

"Yeah, but your hearts haven't been broken before either." He pulled away smiling as he met my eyes, "Gotta get through the anger to get to the hurt." Something in my face must have asked a question. "Michelle."

"Sorry." We headed into the room.

"Na, long over. Beer?"

"Yes, please." I took the bottle and a long drink. "That's good."

"Only the best for you."

I laughed, "Pouring it on a bit thick, Max." He shrugged and drank his own. I sat quietly staring at the bottle then picked at the label's edge. "Thing is . . . I can understand why he ended it. In Nathan's naively stubborn way I see his logic. If he would have talked to me I'd like to think we could have worked out something. Even if we broke up at least we would have talked about it, we talked about everything."

"Could have taken a break for six months or so like Kelsey and Tom."

"Exactly! I doubt she agreed with him, but at least he was respectful." I took another drink of my beer. "That's the part I just can't figure out and he's no help past saying he made a mistake."

"What are you talking about?"

I let out a deep breath and wiped away an escaping tear. “It's not so much what he did, but how he did it. Like I told him, that wasn't my Nathan who treated me . .. us like that. I don't understand and I need more than "I made a mistake." I get that, but what happened? Why did he think leaving the country was the best idea? Did someone give him shitty advice? Did he see it in a movie, a dream? What on earth made him act so opposite of everything I loved about him?"

Max's smile was almost a laugh. He kissed my hand and held it, "Oh, Kristin, you're looking way too hard for a very easy answer. You want some reason that makes sense so you two can fix it. There's nothing that happened or some hidden character flaw. He's just young and stupid." 

I drew my eyebrows together, confused, "What?"

"Twenty and, like most twenty year olds, stupid. Young and stupid is the answer to every question you have."

"You're serious?" He's insane.

"Completely serious. If it's helpful I don't think he knows why either, but as someone who's not quite as young and stupid the answer is young and stupid. Why would he think breaking up with the woman he loves is a good idea?" He looked at me expectantly.

"Young and stupid?"

"Why would he end a relationship that was working and happy?"

"Young and stupid."

"Why would he think somehow this would make anything better?"

"Young and stupid." I must admit this Q & A and saying it out loud made sense. I'd come up with a dozen options and none made sense.

"And what would make him treat the woman he loves with all heart with such disrespect and cruelty. And to behave so cowardly."

I thought for a few seconds to see if was a fit that I could accept, "Young and stupid."

"It's either a brain tumor, stroke, seizure, or he's just young and stupid."

I laughed, "He doesn't seem to have suffered some sort of neurological event."

Max nodded and clapped his hand on my knee, "Young and stupid it is."

"No real fix for that."

"I reckon he's learned not to act without discussing first. He'll grow out of some of it. You knew he was young. I warned you." He pointed his finger in my face.

I shoved him and he fell over laughing, "Ass."

"How'd you leave it with him?"

"Um, he asked if I could try to forgive him. I didn't have an answer."

Max's face went serious, "Do you now?" I nodded. He smiled. "Now for the bit where I throw him under the bus." He pulled me off the couch and pushed me on the bed. "Lean against the wall." He waited. "Now text him."

To Nathan: I'll try

From the other side of the wall I heard an excited yell, "Yes!"

 

~*~Nathan~*~

I had no idea what Max said to her and despite how badly I wanted to I wouldn't ask him. I told him to be there for her. Whatever went on between them was none of my business. Besides what did I care if she was willing to try. Oh thank god, she was willing to try.   
What I learned tonight was that I'd hurt her very badly. Not just with what I'd done, but how I'd done it. That was probably worse. The how. Tomorrow we'll have to talk about that. I'm not sure why I did it that way. I'm hoping she can help me figure it out. That might be too much to ask, but she knows me better than anyone. Maybe I had a stroke and just didn't know it.  
When I woke up I smiled first thing. I'd see Kristin today. All day. Trapped on a bus for part of it. She said she'd try and forgive my stupid ass. I know that we have a lot to talk about and a long way to go, but it's something.  
This day I was not late to get on the bus. Max and Kristin were the last ones on. Max carried a big white box, "We got pastries."  
Kristin opened the box, "Yummy yummy sugar."   
The lot of us converged on the box like a vultures on road kill. It was frightening. Tom was licking his fingers as he spoke, "We voted, you two get the back room. Go keep talking."

I cut my eyes from Tom to Kristin. We held eye contact for a second then looked down.

Tom cackled loudly, "Oh for fucks sake! Six months ago you two are ripping each other's clothes off and clawing over us to get to the back room, laughing the whole way. Today we tell you to go talk and you look like shamed children. Off with you both. You've got hours to spend doing whatever you want."

We looked at each other again then back to him. I stood up, "A'right then." I raised a questioning eyebrow to her and she got up. "After you."

I followed her back. Kristin sat on the couch and I turned on the TV, "Noise." She nodded her understanding. I started whatever movie was in the player, luckily it wasn't porn, then sat at the other end of the couch. She wasn't tied in knots this morning. This was good.

"How'd you sleep?"

I smiled, "Better than in a long time? You?"

"Pretty good. Talked to Max for a long time. Thank you. He told me."

I shrugged, "You're here surrounded by my friends. Yours too, but you know what I mean."

She nodded, "Yes. That was very sweet." 

Silence. Uncomfortable “where to now” silence. "Kristin, I'm sorry I got mad last night. I shouldn't have."

"We both got mad last night, Nath. It's ok. This is hard."

She could say that again. I'm not sure I'd done anything so hard or so painful. "But it's worth it." She smiled and nodded a little. I leaned my elbows on my knees, looking back at her. "The guys told me I was a dick and a coward, but I didn't really understand until last night. I wish I had an answer for you about why. I was hoping you could help me figure it out." 

Kristin didn't look angry or hurt. Amazing what a night can do. "What were you thinking, Nathan?"

I leaned back, "Not sure I was." I took a moment to think now. "I knew it would hurt. Both of us. I just wanted it done and to be gone." I shook my head, very disappointed in myself. "That sounds horribly selfish. I guess I was. It was very wrong of me not to discuss it with you and not to give you a chance to say what you needed too. Even if that was you telling me you hated me. I should have given you that chance."

"Maybe it's more what you weren't thinking."

"Hmm," That was a new idea. Maybe I was thinking in the wrong direction. "I certainly never considered how amazingly disrespectful that was or how you'd wind up not knowing who I was anymore. Now, I can see that."

She smiled one of her many smiles that I loved. One I never thought to see again. "It's easy to see things in hindsight. If I would have called things would have been different."

Without a thought I put my hand on hers, "Don't. This is mine. I did this. I blindsided you and don't blame you at all for saying nothing. I understand." I pulled my hand back and ran my fingers through my hair, "I don't know, Kristin. I'm not that cruel person and we meant way more to me than my behavior would have anyone believe. When I look at it through your eyes I don't know me either. That's not who I want to be, it's not who I am. It was just stupid. I was just stupid." I closed my eyes and looked up, "So so stupid. I can't even believe how incredibly stupid I was. I lost everything that morning. Everything that made everything else worth anything. So I was wrong and stupid all at once."

"And young."

I lifted my head and looked at her, "What?"

"You were wrong, and stupid, but also young. Twenty is very young to deal with everything you deal with."

"That simple?"

She shrugged, "Maybe just that simple."

We turned from each other and looked at the TV. I wasn't really watching and doubted she was either. The credits were rolling before I snapped out of it. I changed the dvd to whatever was laying near. Again, thankfully not porn. When I sat down I turned toward her, "Can you forgive young and stupid?"

"I think so. At least until you outgrow it." 

This was the first time we'd laughed together. It felt amazing. "Can you get past it? I'm not nearly as young and stupid as I was one hundred and three days ago." Her mouth dropped open. "Yes, I've kept count."

"That's adorable." 

"It's actually pretty sad and pathetic given that I did the breaking up." We sat there a bit longer. "You didn't answer, can you get past it?" That was different than forgiving. She could easily forgive me and still not want to be with me. "What about us?" This might be the scariest question I've asked in my entire life.

"We keep talking. See each other. Take some time and see if we can rebuild. If that's what you want." 

I am the happiest man alive at this moment. I'm fairly certain my smile gave that away, "There's nothing I want more."


	4. Chapter 4

~*~Kristin~*~

Last night after leaving Max’s room I sat in my room thinking. As absolutely horrible as the fighting had been I couldn’t get over feeling glad to see him. Despite all the yelling and pain, seeing him made my pulse quicken and all I wanted to do was throw myself in his arms. I remembered how it felt to be held by him. I remembered what his lips felt like. I missed him. I missed us. I was also afraid that Max’s simple answer was too simple. That my heart was making a decision that my head would regret. 

Time to wake up Lindsey. “I’m sorry.”

“Expected this call hours ago.” I listened to her rustle around and get situated, “What happened?”

I ran her through the Nathan part and then the Max part. “Now I’m in my room wondering if I want us back bad enough to believe something I shouldn’t.”

I heard her sigh, “Maybe. You miss him. You want it to be that simple, and maybe it is. I hope it is. He made you really happy, but he also made you really sad. He’d never done anything like that before, so I tend to believe he was just being an idiot.”

“What do I do?”

“Keep talking. Talk about this and see if it still seems reasonable. Then don’t talk for awhile and see how it feels.”

I wiped away tears, “I don’t know what to do.”

“I know, Kristin. Once you’ve sat with it awhile and if it still feels ok, let him in a little. There’s no rush and if he’s really the man you thought he was he won’t mind waiting.”

I laughed, “God, you’re good.”

“I’m just not as close to it as you are.”

So when Nathan and I sat on the bus both of us staring at the TV I was thinking. I don’t think that he’s mean, cruel, or cowardly. I think he’s very young and got overwhelmed and made some bad decisions. Not discussing it with me being one of the biggest, but I can understand that too. I don’t agree, but I understand. Every relationship has things the couple doesn’t agree on. Hopefully, next time we’ll talk about it, whatever it is. All I know is that I want to be around to see that smile on his face again like when he’d said “There’s nothing I want more.”

We sat there looking at each other for a very long time. There was loud laughter from the front of the bus. I looked that way and nodded, “Do you want to head out there?”

He shook his head, “No, I’d prefer to sit back here with you and talk about the three months that I missed.” 

For the next two hours we laughed and told each other stories. Both of us knew this didn’t fix anything, but it was a start. We needed to enjoy being together again if for no other reason to know what we were working to get back. At first it felt artificial and strange. It took a half hour or so to feel like two people talking. Then it was good. It was us.

I checked into the hotel and laid down while they went to do interviews. I didn’t sleep because Nathan texted me at least every thirty minutes with something that was going on. I liked it. They got hung up at the meet and greet and wouldn’t be coming back to the hotel as planned. They always kept their stage bags with them just in case and would shower at the venue. I showered, got dressed, and loaded into a cab with Kelsey and Nareesha. It was good to be back with them too. I liked them and we had fun. I never questioned how lucky that was. Lucky that we all got along. Lucky that I could call them friends. After talking for awhile Kelsey was the brave one, “How’s it going with Nath?”

I felt myself smile. Nareesha laughed, “I’d say that says it all.”

I rolled my eyes, “We’re talking, we’re going to see each other, and try.” They cheered.

There was a line around the block at the venue. Local radio was out front doing a live broadcast. The fans were cheering and singing. They held up signs and jumped to catch things thrown that I couldn’t tell what they were. I’d seen this in England, but never to this level here. I was happy for them and proud. When we walked into the dressing room Max jumped up, “Oh thank god, you’re here. I’m starving.”

“Why didn’t you go eat?” Kelsey hugged Tom.

Max glared at her boyfriend, “The whipped boys didn’t want to go eat without you three.”

Nathan shrugged, “Would be rude.”

He was on the other side of the room and I was still by the door. I held out my hand, motioning him to come, “Let’s go feed you.” As he came closer I didn’t put my hand down. I kept my eyes on his until he was within reach then I glanced down at my hand. He got the slightest smile and took my hand. 

We laced our fingers and headed out into the hall. Neither of us said a word. It felt new and came with the thrill and excitement of something that was new. Where would this go? Wasn’t used to this feeling. Wasn’t something that I did. Until now. I laughed a little. Nathan leaned in, “What’s so funny?”

“Feels like a first date.”

That made him laugh, “Yeah, a bit.” He squeezed my hand, “You should know that now that I have this back I’m not letting it go.”

“What about eating?”

“You can have it back on loan.” 

He wasn’t kidding.

 

~*~Nathan~*~

I wasn’t kidding. She could have her hand back for eating, going to the bathroom, and while I was on stage. The rest of the time it was mine. All mine. I wasn’t letting go. I know that hand holding doesn’t mean that things are back to normal, but last night she wouldn’t let me hug her and kept her arms wrapped around herself to keep me away. Hand holding was amazing and gave me hope.

I flew through the show. I was so high and happy that I was floating above the stage. Incredible. As soon as I walked off stage I had her hand again. That brought my feet back to the ground. Not in a bad way. I got that feeling she’d talked of. That this was new and innocent and something I truly needed to cherish. I would never forget this feeling. I’d remind myself. I didn’t want to forget how good it felt to at least have a shot at getting back what I lost. She is willing to try and move past it with a stupid boy. Here’s the thing. After our talk on the bus I knew who I was again and it was exactly who I’d been with her up until that point I fucked up. I would do like I’d done before and be me. She’d need some time to trust in me, in us again. She could have whatever time she needed.

“What would you like to do? Dinner, club? I can drink now.”

She laughed and patted my face, “You’re all grown up.” I smiled and stuck my tongue out at her. “I’m tired, can we stay in and watch a movie?”

“Perfect. Oh, food, I’m starving.” 

I wasn’t the only one and we had the van go through a drive through before we went to the hotel. Kristin and I had a picnic complete with legally obtained cold beer. That was a first in America for us. When we finished eating I took both her hands, “I want to apologize again.”

“Nathan, you don’t have to keep apologizing.”

I nodded, “Yes, I do. I’m sorry and thank you for giving us another try. You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

“Me too.”

I saw a cliff I wanted to jump off of, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” 

“What movie?” I didn’t want to stay in the sad place. 

We got onto the couch and she flipped through the guide until we found something neither of us had seen. The distance between us was far enough for our joined hands to rest. Ten minutes later she laid her head on my shoulder. Two seconds later I put my head on hers.

The next morning when I woke up I had a horrible crick in my neck from sleeping sitting up on the couch with my head tilted back. I raised up with a groan and noticed a beautiful blond head asleep in my lap. Suddenly my neck didn't hurt. Ok, it did hurt, but I didn't care so much. I sat staring at her and running my fingers through her hair. I'd not forgotten how soft and silky it was. Eventually she stretched and opened her beautfiul blue eyes.

"Morning."

She squidged up her neck and face, "Morning, Nathan."

"We fell asleep."

"Yeah, how'd that happen?" There was that smile again.

"No clue, truly bizarre." We both laughed.

She sat up, unfortunately, and looked at the clock. "I need to shower before my flight. You order us breakfast?"

"Sure, I'll call if it gets here before you get back." Without a second thought I ordered for us. This felt good. Please, let this stay good.

The knock on the door that I thought was breakfast was Kristin and breakfast, "Yay, you and food!"

She put her hand in the middle of my chest and pushed me out of her way, laughing, "At least I came first!"

"You always come first." I was laughing too, but still serious.

We weren't two bites into breakfast when I had to ask, "Are you coming back? To the tour, not necessarily to me. No pressure." I took a breath, "Will you come see me again while I'm on tour in the US?"

"I'd love too." She nodded with a smile. "You've got that excited puppy dog face."

I nodded, "When can you come back?"

"Finals next week and have to have grades in Friday. Next weekend?"

"Perfect." I'd already looked into our schedule so I could speak intelligently about our whereabouts. We got to LA on Wednesday for press with gigs Friday and Saturday. This was perfect.

Kristin had her foot up in her chair nibbling on toast looking at me strangely. I waited. "Have you been dating?"

I pointed at myself, "Me? No. Focusing on music. Remember?"

"Having sex?"

I put down my tea, "Do you really want the answer?"

"For the first few months we were both sleeping with other people."

"Yes, but that was before you were ever mine. The thought of someone else touching you ... I didn't like the pictures of you with Ed and Andy. I know I have no right and we were broken up." I shivered, "Nope."

She gave me the "you're adorable" smile. I think. "Ok, Nath."

I squinted my eyes at her, "Have you been dating?" She nodded. "Anything I should be worried about?" She shook her head. A few seconds passed. "Are you still coming back to see me?" This conversation had scared me.

"Of course." She smiled around her cuppa, "Jealousy is hot."


	5. Chapter 5

~*~Kristin~*~

This plane ride home was much less traumatic. Instead of fuming with anger or crying I went between contemplative and smiling. There was something I needed to do before I felt comfortable with the decisions I was making about Nathan. As soon as I got off the plane I called Eric and asked him to meet me for a drink at six. I’d be coming right from the airport which gave me the perfect excuse for him not picking me up. 

When I arrived at the pub not far from home Eric already had a table. He stood to hug me and give me a quick kiss. “I ordered you a margarita.”

“Thank you.” My phone went off. Nathan’s ringtone. If there was ever a bad time this was it.

“Go ahead.” Eric is a very nice guy.

Great! I answered and put the phone to my ear, “Hey, I just got in. Can I call you back in a bit?”

“Yeah, sure. Just making sure you made it back.” 

“No problems, thanks for checking. So I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later then.”

In my mind I could see Nathan looking at his phone strangely. I wasn’t planning on expanding on the conversation that I had been dating someone. I guess now I will. I hung up and saw my margarita was here. I took a drink then looked at Eric, “Sorry.”

“No problem. Did you have a good weekend? Fun?” His brown eyes sparkled in the light hanging low over the table.

“Yeah, it was good.” 

“Uh oh, that doesn’t sound like it was that good, what happened?”

One of the things I liked about Eric was how easily we talked. Not so much now. He was just trying to have a conversation, but it was so uncomfortable. One more drink and time to get this over with, “I need to talk to you about something.”

An hour later I was home. I took my time unpacking, washing my face, and changing into my pj’s before calling back Nathan. I needed time to clear my head a bit. I made a cuppa and settled on the couch. “Hey, Nathan.”

“”Ello, home safe and sound?” He sounded forced cheerful.

“Yep, in my jammies with a cuppa.”

“Everything a’right? You sounded weird earlier.”

I knew he’d notice, which is why I wasn’t going to answer the phone. Isn’t there a limit for uncomfortable conversations in one day? Just like the one an hour and a half ago it was best to just get it over with. “You asked me earlier if I was dating and I said I was. Nothing serious, just a handful of dates. I was having a drink with him and telling him we weren’t dating anymore.”

He was quiet, “Oh.”

“I thought it was better to tell you than have you worry about why I sounded weird.” 

More quiet. “Thank you. I might have done that. Are you a’right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Wasn’t a fun conversation. No one likes being dumped.”

“Was he angry?”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to do this. “Yes, but it was because he’s a nice guy who’d been nothing but good to me. I can’t date him and work on things with you. So even though it was new, I guess he liked me and this hurt. He got a little angry. It’s ok and over.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sure that wasn’t a comfortable conversation to have.”

I laughed, “Neither is this one.”

“Then let’s talk about something else.”

Monday morning I had barely sat my purse down when Drea came skidding into my room, “Is it true?”

I knew what she was talking about it. She lived on social media. “Is what true?”

She held out her phone to show me a picture of me with Kelsey and Nareesha. “You’re back with Nathan?”

I shook my head, “I wouldn’t say back. We’re seeing each other.”

“Yay!” She threw her arms around me. “I liked Nathan with you.”

I laughed, “Yeah, I liked Nathan with me too.”

 

~*~Nathan~*~

Monday morning I fell onto the bench next to Max, “I’m a dick.”

Jay looked over, “I said that already.”

“Talked to Kristin last night after she got home from breaking up with a guy she’s only gone on a few dates with. They weren’t anything serious and she met him to end it. He’d gotten angry with her. She was more respectful to this no one than I was to her. What a complete dick.” I hadn’t slept. It was a combination of feeling bad for her, guilty for being a dick, and jealous as fuck. “I need to apologize more.”

Max put his hand on my leg, “You’re looking at this from the wrong direction. Be happy because she broke up with him . . . to be with you.”

I felt my eyebrows raise and a smile cross my face, “Good point.” I jumped online and sent her the bouquet of cookie flowers with a card reading “Thank you for seeing me. I’m sorry, again. See you in 4 days.”

LA was gorgeous. Sunny, warm, and nothing but blue skies. That LA meant two more days until I got to see Kristin again was even better. We’d texted or talked every day. It wasn’t completely normal between us, but it was good. There was the awkwardness of things still unsaid, but we were having normal conversations about our day. Just not talking about “us”. Every time we talked I felt a bit more certain we would.

Thursday morning we did a radio interview. We were seated where the streaming web cam could see us. We’d done countless interviews with these two, so we were very comfortable. We laughed through the first half hour. We covered the tour, the fans, and embarrassing stories. During the commercial break we were told they’d be talking to each of us solo for a bit. 

They took rumors or something silly and teased us. We all joined in taking the piss out of each other. They went down the line. I was fourth. 

Chris looked at me rubbing his hands together, “Nathan . . . you and your girlfriend broke up.”

The four idiots started laughing. I did a bit too. “Yes.” I wasn’t giving up anything.

He pretended to look confused, “But there are pictures of her at gigs the last two weekends. Anything you wanna tell us?”

“I was a stupid stupid boy and she’s an amazing girl. And beautiful.”

Chris’s female sidekick, Chloe, chimed in, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Nathan. It takes two.”

The four idiots shook their heads mumbling “no”, “not this time”, “not really”, “all him”. I rolled my eyes, “Thanks for the support, lads.”

Chloe leaned forward, “What did you do? “ She glared at me, “Did you cheat?”

I threw my hands up, “No, no, never. She’d not speak to me if I’d done that. Rightfully so. I don’t want to go into. Let’s leave it at I made a stupid mistake that I am very sorry for.”

Chris again, “She’s back at gigs, so you must be talking. You want her back?”

I smiled, “More than anything on the face of the earth.”

Chloe put her hand on her heart, “Good luck. I hope you win her back.”

“Thank you, I’ll do whatever it takes. She’s too good not to fight for.”

 

~*~Kristin~*~

Thursday was the last day of finals. It was a half day for the kids then we had until four on Friday to get grades in. After breaking up with Nathan I’d stayed caught up, but once I’d started dating Eric I wasn’t quite as vigilant. Then there were the two weekends at concerts, one a whole weekend away. Not in bad shape, but I had work to do.

Before school Drea skidded into my room again, “Hey, do you get on twitter or tumblr anymore?” 

“Nope, don’t want to see it. Why?”

“The boys did a radio interview yesterday. You might want to see that.” With that she was gone.

I waited until the kids were gone then called Lindsey, “I hear the boys did an interview yesterday that I might want to see.”

“Where did you hear that?” She laughed, “Stalker Volleyball players?”

“Don’t be ugly. Yes. Have you seen it?”

“I emailed you the link this morning after I saw it. I think you should watch.”

As soon as we hung up I found her email and hit the link. Watching them all had me missing them. When they got to Nathan I was nervous. I laughed with them when the question was asked. I knew where it was going. I watched him with my hand over my mouth. How he answered, the things he said made me miss him. And us. It was going to be a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

~*~Nathan~*~

That radio interview caused a fair amount of twitter drama. Like everything else there was a fairly even split between “I hope they get back together”, the non-committal “Whatever makes Nathan happy”, and my personal favorite, “I hope she dies in a fiery plane crash on the way to see him.” I usually let all that go. Not now. Not while I’m trying to get her back. Not anymore.

@NathanTheWanted: I find it absolutely incredible that I say I want her back more than anything, yet some of you wish her dead #amazing  
@NathanTheWanted: Those of you wishing me luck. Thank you and I love you.

Kristin’s plane got in at 9:00 so she was going to the hotel. By the time she got her bag and to the venue we’d be done. No sense in her fighting her way in to wait with us. Before I left for the venue I got her room prepped. I went to a florist and picked out what I wanted, the bakery where she fell in love with their chocolate éclair, and a shop for a cute pair of pajamas. Nothing sexy. A pink boxer set with dark blue pin stripes. The fans outside the hotel had a laugh at my cargo. I enjoyed the teasing.

I was in a great mood all day. I had this mental countdown going on. I estimated I’d be back to the hotel at midnight. Eleven was more likely, but I’d rather be early than late. Sound check got me to eight hours out. Meet and Greet was seven. Dinner down to six. Show was three and a half. The opener had just started (four and half hours to go) when Kevin came through the dressing room door, “Baby Nayf, got a surprise for you.”

“I love surprises!” I sat up on the couch I was slouched down on.

“You’ll love this one too.” He opened the door and I watched him pull a hand through. That hand was attached to the most beautiful girl in the world. I felt my face explode into a smile and the excitement I’d been holding in ran all over me. I was on my feet in an instant, “Hey, you’re early!” I headed toward her.

“Got an earlier flight.” 

The strange look on her face stopped me in my tracks. I sort of wanted to run and hide behind one of the others. Max, I’d hide behind Max. She liked him. I didn’t think I’d done anything to be smacked. Well, besides the obvious, but surely that would have happened last week. Dammit, I thought we were past mad. Fuck! 

While I was having my nervous breakdown something interesting happened. One of her arms went around my neck and the other around my back. Oh . . . I liked this. My favorite hug - over and under. I wrapped my arms around her and for the first time knew it would be alright. A bit more time maybe, but I knew in my heart we would be alright. We’d been through so much and we’d make it through this too. 

From the corner of my eye I saw the others scurrying about and someone say “Let’s go watch the opener.”

Her head was lying against my chest and I kissed the top of it, “I missed you too.”

She leaned back where I saw her eyes filled with tears. I reached to wipe them away. “What are they for?” She shook her head. “Tell me, please. Good or bad we need to talk through it all.”

She sniffed and smiled at me, “I missed the first day of the tour. I missed Paris. I missed your twenty first birthday.”

I wiped away more tears and felt my own fall, “I know, Kristin, I know. I’m sorry. If I could go back and change it I would. I wish I could.”

She shook her head and hugged me again, “Don’t, Nathan.”

“I can’t help it. Instead of you being in Paris we were screaming at each other on Max’s phone.” I laid my head on hers. 

We stayed that way for a bit, before she moved back again. She didn’t say anything until my eyes met hers. “I didn’t say that because I want you to feel guilty. I’m sad that I missed those things with you.”

“Me too. Although my birthday was rather anti-climactic. I ordered a beer at a pub in Detroit. No different than I’ve done every day back home for years.”

“I would have made it much better than that.” 

Her smiled melted me and I laughed, “I know you would have!” I pushed her hair behind her ear, my fingers barely touching skin. “I’ll make it up to you if you let me.”

She ran the back of her fingers over my cheek, sending a shiver down my spine. “I forgive you, Nath. I’m just not . . . I don’t know. Doesn’t feel right yet.”

Her touch was the most intimate we’ve been. I heard all her words, but between the first three and her fingers on my skin the others were irrelevant. “Thank you. Tell me what you need.”

Tucking back against me, her voice was muffled against my chest, “Hold me.”

I kissed her head again, “I can do that all night.”

The others came back several minutes later. I opened my eyes when I heard the door. Jay screwed up his face, “That’s how they were when we left.” 

I glared at him. Max’s shoulders shook with held in laughter, “And isn’t that just precious?”

Kristin pulled away to turn around, “You couldn’t see it, but I was flipping you off.”

I took a chance and wrapped around her from behind. I felt her arms cover mine. “How were they?”

Tom followed my thought process, “Alright. Fans seem to be ok with them. We’re better.”

Kristin laid her head back on me, “I should hope so.”

Kevin started clapping his hands, “Alright ladies, to your seats. Time for the lads to get ready.” 

Kristin hugged me again, “I’ll see you out there.”

I joined the lads when she left my arms. I was grinning like an idiot. This did not go unnoticed. Tom looked at me sideways, “That’s quite the smile, Nath. Did we miss the good bits?”

“We’re used to walking around you two making out in the middle of the room. Been awhile, but I’m sure we’d be able to manage.” Sigh, even Siva.

“Last week she wouldn’t let me touch her; eventually she let me hold her hand. I am ecstatic with hugging. She doesn’t trust me to not turn back into that cunt from last time we were in LA.” I cringed. This was the first time I realized we were back where it went wrong. “She’s just scared. The rest will come. I’m not that cunt, so it’ll be fine.”

“Did she say that?” Max looked serious, “Did she say that she was just scared?”

I shook my head, “No, she doesn’t know why it doesn’t feel right. I know her. She’s scared.” She gets withdrawn and guarded when she’s scared. First time was emotional. This time it’s physical.

Max put his arm around me, “Recall how she helped you figure out you were young and stupid.” I nodded. “You may need to help her figure out she’s just scared.”

 

~*~Kristin~*~

I ddid’t know what the deal was. Sex was totally not a big deal for me. Still, I didn’t want to kiss him. Want was the wrong word. I did want to, but it didn’t feel right. I didn’t know what it feels like. My mind wasn’t saying “no” it was saying “not yet”. It was terribly bothersome. No would be easier. No would be not wanting. Not yet meant I wanted, but something was stopping me. Hugging him was incredible. I felt calm and excited all at once. His arms around me, the feel of his body pressed to mine and the smell of him as I lay my head on his chest. I needed to find what that “something” was and kill it. 

This venue was strange. The only way to the floor was stage right. The balcony box where we were to sit was stage left. Kevin led us into the gutter between the barricades and the stage over to the door that let us upstairs. Fans went a bit crazy. Kevin was good at his job. He let us say hi, take a few selfies, and then got us out of there. He had no issue taking the blame if fans got angry. He kind of enjoyed it. We were barely upstairs when the boys opening music started.

As soon as they left stage we headed down. The crowd thinned instantly to get a good spot outside, so we weren’t concerned about making it on our own. The fans that were left came to the barrier. Again we stopped for conversation and pictures. Backstage I walked right back into the arms I’d left. I liked it there a whole lot. From the way he held onto me he did too. “Very good tonight, Mr. Sykes.”

“Glad you enjoyed, Ms. Davenport. Seats good?”

I laughed, “Acceptable. I like front row better. General admission sucks.”

“I agree. It always scares me.”

The venue wanted them out so Kevin started pushing them to get their shit together. As usual there were fans waiting. There was a barricade set up behind the van across the alley. Kelsey, Nareesha, and I would head directly in while the boys took some time to visit. Nathan kept his arm around me until I climbed in. Once they were in the van talk immediately went to going out.

Jay hooked Nathan around the neck, “Can you go out tonight? Saddle Ranch. Come on, you’re twenty one now and haven’t been out in LA yet.”

Nathan looked at me, “Want to go out?”

“You’ve been here two nights and haven’t gone out?” I knew damn well the others had.

He shrugged, “Waiting for you.”

Oh my, he was cute. “Yeah, we’re going out.”

I was conflicted about having my own room across the hall from Nathan’s. On one hand it was very thoughtful and respectful. On the other it made me sad. The flowers were beautiful and the room smelled like heaven. He’d hung a piece of paper out of the mini-fridge door that said “snacks inside.” Mmmm, chocolate éclair. One bite. I’d save the rest to share with him. A gorgeous box wrapped in pearlized white paper with a pink pastel ribbon sat on the bed. Inside were silk boxer pajamas. They weren’t sexy, but I knew they were what Nathan liked. Not that he didn’t like sexy, but he liked me in comfortable easy things that I could lay around in. He liked me wrapped in silk so he could feel it against his skin too.

I showered and threw on a purple sleeveless dress. It clung to my curves with a slight flare to the skirt that ended half way to my knees. Black heels completed the look. We were to meet in the lobby at midnight. Five till I was putting in my earrings when there was a knock at the door. 

“Wow!” Nathan stood there dressed in jeans and a black polo. “Why are you always the hotter of us?”

I smiled and motioned him in, “There is a group of girls downstairs who disagree. Thank you.”

“They’re wrong though.” He picked up the snack sign, “Éclair gone?”

“No, I saved it to share. Thank you, Nathan. The flowers, éclair, pj’s. Thank you.”

He picked up my hand, “You’re welcome.” He glanced at his watch, “Ready?”

Downstairs we met up with everyone and headed out. The Saddle Ranch wasn’t more than two blocks walk. The girls outside followed us. Nathan kept a hold of my hand as he chatted with whoever was closest. There were a few photographers walking backwards taking pictures as we went. Tonight I was acutely aware that the focus was on us. That radio interview. They yelled questions and I kept talking to the girls around us. They kept asking if I was taking him back and what he’d done. Neither of which was any of their business. Thankfully they stopped at the sidewalk in front of the Saddle Ranch.

Max had called ahead and got a table. The place was full. We were led to our table and a waitress was immediately there and nudged Nathan, “Yay! I get to serve you tonight. We’ve been waiting for you to show up. First round’s on us.” A few seconds later every waitress in the bar was there, one carrying a tray of Fireball shots. As soon as everyone had a shot they started singing Happy Birthday. 

 

~*~Nathan~*~

The best part was when Kristin joined in. When they finished we all clinked glasses and downed the fiery liquid. “Thank you. This is actually way better than my actual birthday already.” I squeezed Kristin’s hand before I let go to hug the waitresses. When I got back to Kristin I hugged her too, “You alright? The paps.”

She nodded, “Yeah, we look good tonight. Have to find the pictures.”

I didn’t buy a drink all night. People kept sending them over. More than I could drink, so I shared. More than once drinks came with a small group who sang to me. Each time Kristin joined in. 

We were watching Max attempt to ride the mechanical bull when the manager got in the ring, “I hear we have a birthday boy here tonight. I fully expect you to live up the high expectations set by your bandmates.”

I yelled back, “You know it’s not really my birthday.”

He laughed, “Yeah, but it’s the first time you’ve been twenty one here, so just enjoy. You gotta ride the bull on your birthday.”

“No, I don’t.” That was the last thing I wanted to do.

Jay, Tom, and Siva disagreed. They grabbed me and pulled me over to the ridiculous contraption. Max stood there smiling, “Girls think cowboys are sexy.”

I nodded toward Kristin, “Already got a girl.”

It became very clear that they were going to make me do this. The crowd was cheering, clapping, and chanting my name. As was my traitorous date. I felt like I was in New Zealand having an electric dog collar strapped to my neck. I rolled my eyes and climbed on. I glared at my four no longer friends, “If I break something I blame you.”

Tom bent over laughing, “Your non-girlfriend will take care of you.”

His use of her “name” from the beginning of us made me smile, “I don’t think things are that drastic, mate.”

Max put his hand on my leg, “Hold on, relax and go with the motion, and hold on with your thighs. It'll be over in a few seconds.”

That last bit wasn’t nice at all. Wasn’t accurate either. I made it twenty seven seconds, which was better than any of them. I think I made it that long only because I was terrified to fall off. In the end I didn’t really have a choice. Riding was fun, falling was not. I got a nice round of applause and took a bow. Coming off the floor I grabbed Kristin’s hand and led her back to the table. There was a tower of cotton candy there, “Look!” I pulled her into a one armed hug, the other going for the cotton candy. I fed her a chunk then ate my own, “Hey, we had cotton candy on our first date in Vegas.”

“Yeah, we did.” We both got very quiet. It wasn’t an uncomfortable quiet. I wanted to kiss her. I wouldn’t, but I wanted too. I was opening my mouth to tell her when her hand on my face stopped me. “Happy Birthday, Nathan.” 

She was stretching up, so I leaned down to meet her. I let her close the last inch. My eyes drifted closed with the touch of her lips on mine. I couldn’t remember if she had on lipstick. I wanted it smeared all over my mouth. She moved away from the soft contact for less than a second before her lips opened to pull gently at my bottom lip. I heard myself whimper. She moved away again, laying her forehead against mine. I kept my eyes closed savoring the feeling, licked my lips to taste her. 

“Kiss me, Nathan.”

My eyes fluttered open to meet hers. I took my arms from around her and held her face in my hands. I felt her hands smooth over my back. I rained soft chaste kisses on her lips, letting the anticipation grow. I love kissing her. This kiss . . . I loved more than breathing. My tongue tentatively touched her lips. She’d said to kiss her and I thought she meant really kiss her. Her fingers dug into my back and I understood that’s exactly what she meant. Still I wanted to savor every second. The teasing licks stopped when her tongue touched mine. It was like slow motion, the way we opened to each other. The insecurity of a first kiss was mingled with knowing each other’s secrets. When the kiss ended we held onto each other.

I whispered in her ear, “Best birthday ever.”

“I’m glad I didn’t miss it.”

I kissed her again.


	7. Chapter 7

~*~Kristin~*~

Wow, that was some kiss. I should remember to be careful what I ask for. His kisses cloud my mind; make the world a little blurry around the edges. I’ve missed that too. The whole birthday theme was fun. We were all still there at last call. As we headed outside Nathan slung his arm around my shoulders, “Cab or walk?”

I looked at Max, Jay, and two girls getting into a cab. “Walk. I’m not that drunk.”

He scrunched up his nose and shook his head, “The kissing bit sobered me up.” I tickled his side, making him laugh, as we headed across the street. 

No one followed us home this time or walked backwards in front of us. I guess they'd gotten the pictures they wanted. As we approached the hotel I made out a small group of girls. “You gonna stop? You should.”

He smiled, “Only four. Take a few minutes then they can go home. You can head on upstairs.”

“Can I stay with you?” I liked little groups of fans. I didn’t mind big ones, but I liked little ones.

He kissed the side of my head, “Of course.” 

They spotted us, “Oh my god, Nathan!”

Nathan threw his hand over his mouth, “Oh my god, girls!”

They laughed and the chatter began. It took a few seconds for them to realize he wasn’t going to run by and they slowed down. Nathan kept his arm around me as he talked about the show that night and previous meetings with two of them. They’d spotted me at the show and said they were hoping they’d see us after. They were giddy and excited as they asked for pictures with both of us. After they rotated through I offered to take ones with just him. I knew that was the best prize of the night. That and a hug. They’d get both. Nathan came back and took my hand, “It’s very late, you lot need to go home. No one will be up and around early, so have a bit of a lie in.” They responded in a chorus of thank you and we love you. He told them he loved them too and we headed inside.

We were in the elevator when his stomach growled. He put his hand over it, “I’m apparently hungry.”

“I’ll share my éclair with you.”

“Oh god, that sounds good.” 

In my room I grabbed the éclair and we sat on the couch, legs crossed facing each other. “You can have the first bite, since it’s your birthday.”

He gave me his “not impressed” face, “Didn’t you eat some earlier?”

“Yeah, but that was before it was your birthday.” I took turns feeding forkfuls of sinfully delicious treat to us. It seemed like it was gone too soon. I’d done a bad job and he had chocolate to the side of his mouth. I grabbed under his chin, “You’re a mess.” He started to reach up, but I grabbed his hand, “Let me.” I leaned in, kissing the spot, my tongue getting the chocolate. I sat back.

“Not fair.” We both smiled. His green eyes twinkled with mischief. “I think you missed some.” 

“Me too.” 

Butterflies took flight in my stomach when our lips met again. Soft touches gave way to tastes, then full on deep, but soft kissing. He tasted like chocolate, custard, and Nathan. All my favorites at once. His hands were on my face again, controlling the kiss. Soft, but strong fingers holding me. I rested my forearms on his legs, my hands on the sides of his thighs. 

I wanted to let go and climb in his lap, but couldn’t. Still searching for what’s holding me back. Sex doesn’t mean all that emotional crap to me, expect with Nathan. I knew it meant so much more when it’s us. I’m wasn't there. I didn’t know how to get there. A week ago I didn’t know if I’d ever let him touch me again either, but here I was making out with him in a hotel room. I thought I just needed a little more time. Didn’t know what for, but something. I pulled away, my hands going to his knees. His picked up my hands, then held them between us.

“You’re so beautiful, Kristin.” Every breath and syllable of that was my Nathan. 

I mumbled a “thank you” as I fell forward to lay my head on his shoulder. I let go of his hands so I could hold onto his sides. I’m so lost.

 

~*~Nathan~*~

She’s so lost. Time for me to help her figure it out. I pulled her hair over her shoulder and behind her ear where I could run my fingers through it as I talked. “Last weekend you barely let me hold your hand. Tonight you let me kiss you. I’ll do whatever you want. It’s up to you to set the pace. If you want me to go back to my room, I will. If you want to sleep here on the couch, I’ll be your pillow. If you want to curl up in bed and cuddle, we’ll do that. I did this. Made this uncomfortable. I’ll do whatever you need me to until I’ve made it right.”

She lifted her head and met my eyes, “I’m not punishing you, Nathan.”

I shook my head and pushed the other side of hair over her shoulder, “I never thought that.” I tilted her face up to kiss her softly. “Baby, you don’t trust me yet.” I rolled my head and looked around the room, “Especially here in LA where I lost my mind before. I deserve that, but I know we’re going to be alright. You’re just scared.” I watched a tear fall down her cheek and kissed it away. The look on her face told me I’d just given her the missing piece.

 

~*~Kristin~*~

The second he told me I was “just scared” everything made sense. That something that was holding onto me, keeping me away from him. Fear. Over a year ago I’d been afraid to be with him until the day came when I was more afraid to be without him. I’d have missed so much. His words made perfect sense. I was scared to let him close again. And like most unknowns, the minute you name them they start to lose their power over you.

“How’d you get so smart?”

“I’m not smart. I know how you act when you’re scared and I know to give you time to work through. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, you know?” He ran his fingers through my hair.

“I know you do.” This time I leaned in and kissed him, staying very close after to whisper, “I know we’ll be alright. I love you, too.”

He nuzzled his nose against mine, “There’s something I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure.”

I sat back suddenly, “Nathan.”

 

~*~Nathan~*~

I pulled her back where we were close and quiet. This was making up. This was healing. This was dealing with the hurt and scared after the anger. I kept my hand on the back of her neck, my forehead against hers, “I hurt you. I betrayed us. I left you alone. Those things don’t deserve your love, but I’m working on it. I hoped I could get it back.”

“You don’t have to do anything to deserve it. I’ve always loved the parts of you that you hate.”

“Even the young and stupid parts?”

“Even those.” Our lips touched for a second. She combed through my hair, “You’re scared too.”

I mirrored her with my hand in her hair, “That you’ll leave and not come back.”

“Then we’ll have to keep working on it until we’re both not so scared.”

Next thing I know we’re holding onto each other, both of us absolutely sobbing. I was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Her letting me hold her while she cried out the hurt I’d caused was the forgiveness I needed. Her holding me while I cried for the damage I’d done was acceptance and love. Three very amazing things. 

When the crying wound down I sighed, “Not as scared as I was fifteen minutes ago.”

“Me either.”

I looked at the clock, “It’s three am. You’ve been up twenty four hours.”

She snorted, “Longer than that.” I raised an eyebrow. “I was at school by five to run my tests so I could get grades in and catch an earlier flight.”

“Did you sleep on the plane?” She shook her head. “You need to go to bed. You have to be exhausted.” I stood and took her hand. When she stood we were holding each other again. I kissed her head, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She pulled away enough to look at me. The look on her face, the love in her eyes almost had me crying again. “Stay.”


	8. Chapter 8

~*~Nathan~*~

Kristin loves me.

That she picked up the box with the pajama’s I’d bought her and disappeared into the bathroom was my clue that “stay” meant “cuddle”. I was so excited and happy that I could burst. Don’t get me wrong, I am a man, and sex would be amazing. But tonight we kissed, she forgave me, and I know that she loves me. I was not complaining. Besides it was three am, she’d been up for over twenty four hours, and we’d been crying. There would be much better nights for that.

When she came out I’d pulled off my jeans and crawled into bed. “You look so cute!” She looked amazing in pink and I loved short sets on her. She looked comfortable and like my Kristin. I loved when she dressed up or wore sexy lingerie, but that’s not the version of her I love best. My favorite times were when it was just us hanging out and what I’d bought her was “us” wear. 

She curtsied, “Thank you. You did great.” I lifted up the covers and she was immediately curled up against me with her arm over me. “I like this.”

I held her close, “Me too.” She felt warm and soft. I laid my head on hers and breathed, letting the last hour sink in. What a colossal idiot I’d been. How could I ever think that without her, without us, would make anything better? 

As if she could read my mind Kristin looked up, “Stop thinking, Nathan.”

I glared at her shaking my head, “Psychic.” I kissed her forehead then laid my cheek there. I could feel her breath against my neck. Internal struggle underway. I will not push and as I told her it’s up to her to set the pace, but damn I wanted to kiss her. Kissing in bed is very different than kissing on the couch while fully clothed. I didn’t want her to think I wanted more. Well, not wanted but expected more. I just wanted to hold and kiss her. I realized I was thinking again. It was frustrating for something that was natural and easy to be awkward. I put my lips back on her skin, “I just want to lay here holding you and kissing you. Can I kiss you?”

 

~*~Kristin~*~

“You don’t have to ask.” I pulled away so we could get to each other. His saying we could go to bed and cuddle has the same effect of the boy telling the virgin “we don’t have to”; it immediately makes everything ok because he’s so sweet. So despite that frustrating piece of me that wants to let tonight settle, I know damn well it’ll just take one well placed kiss or touch for me to crumble. But he won’t. I won’t either. That took the pressure off and we could enjoy the kissing for what it was. Another step along the way back. 

We wound up tangled up in each other kissing long and deep, but never frantic. Always languorous and delicious. I don’t know how or why we stopped. I burrowed against him and was asleep in seconds. 

When I woke up our positions had kind of reversed. He was curled up with his head on my shoulder, with arms and legs over me. I was effectively pinned to the bed. Not a bad way to wake up. A moment after I moved he was kissing me. I couldn’t help but think how different than this was to the last time I woke up in an LA hotel room with him. A twinge of hurt and fear spread through me. Nathan noticed and pulled away. I shook my head. Thankfully he let it go.

“I could lay in bed kissing you all day.” 

Without thinking I snorted, “Yeah, how long do you think that would last?”

He laughed, “Two hours tops.” I quirked an eyebrow at him. “Maybe one?”

Something shifted. This was the first naturally spontaneous conversation we’d had. I felt my eyes burn and fought the tears.

“What?” He looked panicked.

I wasn’t even willing to try and shake him off this time, “This is the first time we’ve felt normal.” He did the perfect thing. He kissed me.

~*~*~

We were well under the hour when there was a persistent tapping at the door then Max’s voice, “Oh Nathan, are you in there? Nano is freaking out because you’re lost.”

He snickered as he got out of bed, “So not lost.” I heard the door unlatch, “Hey, mate. What’s up?”

“Meeting in Max’s room in fifteen. Changes.” I recognized Nano’s voice.

“A’right.” The door latched again and then he flew onto the bed. Literally. I squealed when he bounced beside me. “There goes the all day kissing plan.”

“I’m going to shower.” I kissed him slowly and sweetly.

“Umm, a’right. Come to Max’s when you’re done.”

 

~*~Nathan~*~

I pulled on my jeans while she disappeared into the shower. I put one of the flowers on her pillow with a note saying, “I love you” and headed to Max’s room. Early. Good thing too because he was on me the second I walked in.

“What the hell? You look like shit!”

I looked in the mirror, “Oh hell.” I ducked into his bathroom and wet a flannel with cold water, “Eyedrops?” My eyes were red and swollen.

He dug through his kit and handed them to me, “What happened? Looks like you cried all night.”

I leaned on the counter putting the drops in, “Na, it’s good.” I looked at him with a smile. “She forgave me. I told her I loved her. She said it back. Then we had a good cry.”

Max grabbed me into a hug, “I’m so happy.”

I patted his back, “Me too, mate, me too.”

“Make up sex?”

I shook my head, “It was late and we were exhausted. Too soon. I’m back in the bed. Don’t really care what we do there. Which is not a lie. We never did anticipation. I’ll just enjoy.”

He smirked, “Good way to look at it. There’s always tonight.”

Kristin made it to Max’s before Jay. He walked in with her. She had better eye drops than me. She looked gorgeous even with wet hair. I was sitting on the floor leaning on the wall. She sat between my legs and leaned back. I kissed her cheek and wrapped my arms around her.

Plans had changed drastically. We were to spend the night here then head to Vegas in the morning. Now we were driving all night to Vegas for a morning interview. This struck me as quite odd, “Who thought us on Sunday morning program was appropriate?”

Tom cackled, “Nothing is appropriate in Vegas.”

Max kicked my leg, “First time you’ve been old enough to go out in Vegas.”

Nano started talking again, but I was distracted. Kristin would have booked her flight to leave from here tomorrow, “Can you change your flight?”

“Don’t have one.”

“You don’t?” I was very happy. She shook her head.

Nano cleared his throat, “Am I distracting you?”

I glanced up, “Actually, yes. Give me ten seconds.” I kissed her. Only stopping when Nano finished counting down. “A’right, continue.”

“Like I was saying, interview, afternoon off, gig, then afterparty at 1Oak. You’re free at one. They are also aware it’s the first time Nathan’s been old enough to be in their club. Expect free drinks. And, before you idiots ask, you still have the next day off.” A loud cheer went through the room. “We need to be out of here in thirty minutes for interviews.”

We all groaned. I needed to shower. I needed to throw my shit in my bags. I needed to find out when Kristin was leaving. I needed to kiss on Kristin. None of those things in that order. I jumped up and pulled her up, headed to my room. Once inside I wrapped her in my arms, “When are you leaving?”

“I don’t know. I thought we’d figure it out.” She stretched up to kiss me.

“When do you have to be back at school?”

“Mid August.” I kissed her hard. “I don’t have enough clothes to stay for that long. I’ll have to go home at some point.”

“Can I go to?” I gasped, “Sorry, jumping ahead. Just know I want to.”

She ran her fingers through my hair, “I want that too.” More kissing. More very good kissing. Until she pushed me away, “You need to shower, you look like shit.”

“Thanks, love.” I kissed her once more before letting her go, “Best go get ready.”

 

~*~Kristin~*~

I was immediately ambushed in the hallway. Kelsey grabbed my arm and pulled me to my door, “Girl talk. Open the door.” She shoved me onto the bed and climbed in with me, “Spill. I want details. Nathan looks horrible, but he’s obviously quite happy. Tell me, tell me, I need details.”

I laughed, “We talked a lot last night again. Making up. Then we were both crying.” I shrugged, “You know that point where you’ve done everything but hold each other and let that emotion out.”

She had her hand over her heart, “So it’s really going to be okay? You guys?” When I nodded she hugged me and squealed, “I’m so glad. I’ve missed you so much and you two together is so wonderful. I was so angry with him. All of us were. He did things so very badly. He tried to compare his behavior to Tom and I taking a break and it simply wasn’t the same thing. Tom yelled at him when we were in Atlanta. Told him he was disrespectful. He might not have agreed with Tom and I taking a break so he could be a rock star, but Tom wasn’t an arse about it. Had he been we would have never gotten back together.”

I was curious and she’d brought it up, “Were you ok with that? Him leaving you to be a rock star?” 

She laughed, “No! But he could have gone off and done it anyway. That’s not my Tommy. We talked about it and I did understand him wanting to enjoy this new found popularity. I got it, but didn’t like it. I knew that we were best friends and good together. I decided I wasn’t ok with him ever regreting not sowing those oats or being resentful. I wasn’t willing to take that chance. I had enough faith in us that when the six months was up he’d be back. And if he wasn’t we weren’t meant to be anyway.”

“I like you guys.”

“Me too.” We hugged again, “Had Nathan come to you and said he needed a break to focus on the music you two would have worked it out too. I see how you are with each other. You wouldn’t have liked it, but you would have let him do what he thought he needed to do.”

“I’d like to hope so.”

“Big twat, didn’t give you the chance. He’s just lucky you let him try to make it right.” I nodded. “Is it all right again?”

“Almost. It will be.” She just looked at me. “We haven’t made love yet. He tells me I’m just scared he’ll turn into that ass again and he’ll wait, since he fucked up.”

“Too right he did. How long you reckon this’ll last?”

I laughed, “Next time we’re alone together long enough to do all the things we want to do.”

Kelsey and I talked while I finished getting ready. We decided that while the boys did interviews today we were going shopping. We’d load our bags in the bus then grab a cab. We’d shop, maybe get a manicure, have a nice dinner, then arrive for the show. I was zipping my bag when Nathan knocked. Kelsey let him in on her way out.

We kissed then talked as we held each other. He smirked, “You two together is dangerous.”

“Then you’ll be frightened to know our plans for the day.” I filled him in on our expedition. Hopefully Nareesha would join us.

“Sounds fun. I won’t worry about you being bored while I’m doing interviews and all. Give you three a chance to catch up too.” He kissed me softly. “I love you, Kris.”

This was the first time he’d shortened my name, “I love you too, baby boy.”


	9. Chapter 9

~*~Nathan~*~

The girls still weren’t back when we finally got to the dressing room. Knowing those three they might show up ten minutes in and spend the night squirting us with water guns. I put nothing past them. I grabbed Max by the arm, “I need to talk to you.” I drug him into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Just because she’s not giving you any don’t expect me to fill the void.” Max leaned on the wall.

“Ha fucking ha. I need to say something out loud. It’s been bothering me all day and I know it’s horrible and ridiculous. I need you to not jump my shit. I’m hoping if I say it it’ll go away.”

He raised an eyebrow, “I’m listening.”

“What if she’s letting me back in only to be a dick like I was and dump me like I did her? Just walk away when I think everything is going well?” He rolled his eyes. “I know, I know, I know. It’s horrible that I would even think that. That’s not who she is, but it’s not who I am either. What if she’s still really mad and can’t forgive me even though she said she did?”

Max put his hands on my shoulders, “Stop! What your feeling here is guilty. Guilt and fear that she’ll do what you did. You know damn well that’s not how she is. And like you said, she let Eric go better than that.”

That snapped me out of my spiral, “Eric? You know his name?”

“Met him in Atlanta. Back to point, Nath. You’re freaking out over something you’re afraid she might do. Imagine how she must feel . . . afraid you might do something that you already have.”

My eyes grew wide, “I would never!”

“The way out of guilt is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, not do it again, and make it as right as you can.”

He was looking at me like I was supposed to say something. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here.”

Max laughed and hugged me, “Nothing, dumbass. Just let it go. She’s forgiven you, you need to forgive yourself. She’s no more a vengeful bitch than you are the big twat you acted like three months ago. Let. It. Go. But remember this feeling so you don’t do it again.”

I nodded and took deep breath, “Scared to lose her again, mate.”

“That’ll get better as you guys get back to normal. You’re doing fine.”

“With your help, thank you.”

“I love ya.” He grinned, “But if I thought you really were a dick I wouldn’t have helped.”

“Thanks. I think.” We both started laughing and headed back out.

Naturally the girls were there. Kristin cocked her head to the side, “Something you need to tell me, Nathan?”

Max grabbed the front of my jeans. Literally grabbed my cock. “It’s bigger than I expected. Lucky you.” He rubbed his ass, “Bit sore.”

Jay jumped in, “Always took Nath for the bottom.”

Kristin shook her head and smirked, “You’d be very wrong.”

I looked between the three of them, “Torn between horrified and complimented.”

The show had it’s problems. Sound was weird. Almost like an echo all night. Hadn’t sounded that way in sound check. Jay forgot lyrics. Again. I tripped and fell. Max was in the gutter hugging fans and someone scratched him. Only Tom and Siva were safe. Not fair. The girls were laughing at us as we came through the dressing room door. That was the best thing they could do. We were all angry about the sound, but them laughing focused on the three fuck ups. 

Kristin greeted me with a kiss, “Hurt anything?”

“My elbow.” I pouted and tried to see where it hurt. “I can’t see.”

She put her hands on my arm and looked, “I see a red spot.” She kissed it, “I think it’ll be alright.”

“Will now.” I hugged her, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She didn’t let go and kissed me. “I love you.”

“Mmm, love you too.”

We got stalled in the dressing room due to the fans blocking the alley so we couldn’t leave. It seemed easier to wait until the group was smaller than to try and get police to move them. So Kevin made a pizza and beer run! Bless Kevin. 

The carbs and beer combined with a rather emotional last night and not enough sleep made Nathan a very tired boy. Kristin was curled up on my shoulder being a very tired girl. This was good as we’d be out for the bus ride. I looked at my watch. Midnight. “Kev, where’s the bus?”

“Right outside. The bus isn’t the issue, it’s the girls blocking the way out.” 

I stood up and pulled Kristin to her feet, “I’m done. We’re going to the bus.”

Kristin looped her arm with mine, “My hero.”

I guess after Kevin got us on the bus he went and checked the crowd, because it wasn’t ten minutes later that the others were on the bus. Kristin had changed and was tucked in the back of my bunk. I was on my way when Paul grabbed me. He was going to check us in (at about 5 am) then hand out keys. I squatted down, “Kris, Paul’s taking care of the rooms so we can sleep. One room or two?” She held up one finger. I looked up to Paul, “One.” I scooted into the bunk and pulled the curtain, “I liked that answer.”

She cuddled into my arms and kissed me, “Mmm, me too.” She wedged her leg between mine, “I’m so sleepy, but I want to kiss you.”

I sighed into the next kiss, “Yeah, me too.” It was harder to pull away from the next kiss as it involved tongues, “Make you a deal. We’ll kiss and if one of us falls asleep the other can’t be offended.”

“Deal.”

Let the mad make out begin. Not a lot of room in the bunks so we had to stay glued to each other. Damn, what a shame. Hated that most. At least until her hand was up my shirt, her nails digging into my back. I mumbled, “Oh god.” Her touching me, even this little, felt so good. I’d missed the way she touched, the combination of soft and firm. I slid my hand up the back of her t-shirt. The warmth of her bare skin against my palm had me wanting so much more. It wouldn’t have been the first or the last time we’d had sex in the bunk. But for the first time since getting back together, this wasn’t right. Besides she wasn’t going further. Her hands stayed where they were. It seemed that the kissing backed down to leisurely when it was clear neither of us were taking things further. We stayed tangled together, but our grips loosened. Eventually, kissing turned to holding on and that led to sleep.

Seemed like minutes when Kevin was waking us up. We stumbled off the bus, Paul handed us keys, and we made it to our rooms. I had a thought to be excited that her bags were sitting next to mine again, but I was too tired. I threw back the covers, letting her crawl in, then curled up with my head on her chest, “So fucking sleepy.” I felt her kiss my head, “Love you so much. So happy.” I have no idea if she responded. I was out.


	10. Chapter 10

~*~Kristin~*~

I have a bit of a mean streak. So when I woke up feeling very rested and seeing the handsome man sleeping peaceful beside me I wasn’t very nice. I climbed over him and stretched out on top of him. I kissed his lips very softly, “Morning, Nathan.”

He was still more than half asleep. He reacted “normally”. He slid his hands up the back of my thighs and cupped my ass, “Morning, Kris.” He puckered his lips in silent request for more, which I gave. 

A soft kiss with a touch of tongue quickly deepened. His hands gripped my ass tighter and he pushed his hips up into me. He was hard. Ah yes, very normal reaction. I assumed a jolt of pleasure was what woke him up. He startled and ripped his hands away. I kissed near his ear, “Put your hands back, Nath.” I knew we didn’t have much time. No sense wasting it.

“Yes, m’am.” He followed direction so well. We’d barely got back to kissing when his phone rang. He grabbed for his phone while cursing, “God damn fucking Nano.” I laughed and rolled onto the bed. “Yes, Nano?”

I could hear Nano’s voice, “Downstairs in ten, Nathan.”

“I’ll be there.” He put his phone back on the night stand before rolling to his side and pulling me against him, “I can be ready in five. You?”

“I’ll make due.”

We took seven and made it downstairs five late. Nano was pacing. This was normal too. With or without me Nathan was never on time. This morning Nano said nothing, just led the way to the van. I mouthed “Thank you” to Max, who winked.

The studio was filled with mostly fans. Kelsey, Nareesha, and I were seated in the front row central to the couches the boys would fill. First they would going to do an acoustic of “Show Me Love” then move over for the interview section and end the show with “Glad You Came”. The whole show was them, so about forty five minutes of content. Everyone was pretty good this morning, well rested and loaded up with caffeine. 

Maybe fifteen minutes into the interview the host pointed out to the audience, “I see you’ve brought three beautiful ladies with you today.” The boys nodded, “Which of you are the lucky men?” All five raised their hands. “How’s that work?”

Max started, “They have one girl. Jay and I have this whole studio to divide up.”

Jay smirked, “That makes us pretty lucky.”

The girls in the audience got loud for a few seconds. The interviewer got them back and talked to Siva then Tom about their relationships. When the attention turned to Nathan he glanced at me then back to the interviewer. “Nathan?” The crowd laughed. 

Nathan glared at them, “Hang on, he’s not asked anything.”

“Your love life has been a bit of drama lately.”

Nathan nodded, “A bit, but things are much better now.”

“I got a transcript of your radio interview a few days ago. You ever going to share what happened?”

He shrugged, “Details, no. That’s between us. Like I said the other day, no one cheated and this was all on me. I made a massive mistake and am very lucky that she is understanding and forgiving enough to let me make it right.”

“Some of your fans on twitter wish she wasn’t.”

“Ha ha, yes, well if I lived my life according to the opinions on twitter I’d be both dizzy and very unhappy. Right now the only thing that could make me happier is a day off to spend with her and I get that tomorrow.”

Siva jumped in, “Twitter, the internet in general, can be pretty rough on our girlfriends. They don’t have it easy.”

Tom added, “They’re put under a microscope and every bad picture is blown up, every word is analyzed, and their motives are shredded.”

Nathan again, “And in reality the only thing they’ve done wrong is fall in love with one of us.”

“Kelsey’s going to get pissed with me sometimes. Fans have a lot of access to us so they’re going to see us when we’re not happy with each other. That doesn’t make us about to break up or her horrible. Just makes us normal.”

“Between fans, paps, and gossip rags it’s a lot to ask.” Siva shrugged, “We do what we can to protect him.”

The interviewer took over, “Relationships are hard enough. You guys have to add a whole new layer to that. I hope you buy them lots of jewelry. One more question to let you show off your romantic sides then back to the music. What is your favorite physical feature of your girlfriend and why? Then personality.”

Siva started, “Her eyes. Besides the obvious that her eyes are beautiful, I love how she looks at me. I love her creativity. Her shoe line, clothing, how she decorates our home, and the things we do and conversations we have.”

“Her hands.” Nathan’s answer had surprised me. “Besides the obvious that they’re beautiful, she has this way of touching that let’s you know she cares, that is comforting.” He looked at me for the next part. “I love how she accepts me and loves the parts of me that I don’t like.”

The interviewer couldn’t resist, “Like what?”

Nathan smirked, “My awkwardness. The night we met she was flirting with me I completely missed it and walked away. She was way too gorgeous to want anything to do with me.”

“Really?” He looked at me. I nodded with a smile. Back to Nathan, “How’d you save it?”

Jay bubbled over with pride, “I put his number in her phone at the bar, then the next morning put her number in his phone.” 

“Who called?” The interviewer looked between us. Nathan started to point to himself then reversed to point to me. The studio broke out with laughter and “aw”. “Ok, Tom, your turn.”

“I thought I’d be forgotten. Kelsey’s smile knocks me off my feet. Especially if she’s laughing, that’s the best sound in the world. And of course it’s beautiful. Ummm, and I love how she is with people. She’s very down to earth and kind. The way she works with the K2K stars, her family, friends. She’s fantastic.”

They broke for commercial and when they came back to focus shifted to plans for today, the gig, afterparty, and the well earned day off in Vegas. 

Nathan was pushing too adorable for words. He was obviously in a good mood, smirking and playing with the fans in the audience. During commercial breaks all of them went out into the audience to visit. Nathan was always half a second away from being late. He was late after the part about us because he came to check with me and we hugged a little too long. He took the teasing in stride. The way he talked about us touched me. Nathan’s way has always been to blow off questions about us. I am perfectly alright with that. However, the last few interviews where he’s shown a very grown up and protective attitude, not of only me, but our relationship, has me feeling very cherished. Not that I didn’t before, but this was different. It felt different. I’d have to remember to tell him. 

The afternoon was to be spent by the pool. We had a cabana reserved and a line of poolside chairs. We were barely in the lobby when Nathan pulled me into a seating area and kissed me, “I’ve got something to do. I’ll meet you by the pool as soon as I can. A’right?”

I glared at him, “Alright.”

“Oh stop it! You know I’m going shopping.”

“I know.” I kissed his nose, “I’ll be the one by the pool in the hot pink bikini.”

“I’ll shop fast.” He ran back out the hotel door.

Jay and I were the first to the pool. I grabbed a chaise while he entertained a gaggle of bikini clad girls in the cabana. A few minutes later Max sat beside me and handed me a beer, “How’s it going?”

“Horny as hell, thanks for asking.” I took a drink while he spewed beer all over me. “Lovely.”

He was still laughing, “I wasn’t expecting that. I’m pretty sure there’s a smitten little bunny hopping around who would be ecstatic to help you out with that.”

I waved my hand around, “I have a lot of plans we need time for. And recovery time. Gonna have to wait until after the show.”

“Anticipation is fun.”

“This isn’t anticipation.” I shook my head. “Anticipation is when you’re waiting to see how good it is. I know exactly how good it is. This is torture.” 

“I guess we shouldn’t expect to see you tomorrow.”

“Not if I have my way.”

 

~*~Nathan~*~

Shopping trip was a complete success. I hid my purchases in the room, changed, and headed down to the pool. I found Kristin stretched out on her stomach. I put my hand on the small of her back and kissed her shoulder, “Love the bikini. Can’t wait to see the front.” She stood up and posed for me. I love what passes for a swim suit. Four small triangles and a couple of shoe strings. This leaves nothing to my already over active imagination. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You look amazing.” 

That earned me a hug, which translates into all her naked skin pressed against all my naked skin. I’d been in a special sort of hell since waking up with her lying on top of me with all our good bits touching. I’d make it as long as I needed to, but damn. I hoped that pool was cold.

I took a step back, holding her hands, and looked her over again, “Grabbing a beer, you want?” She nodded and I headed back to the cabana.

Max handed me two beers, “Your non-girlfriend looks incredible. How you doing?”

“Horny as fuck.” I headed back to her, hearing Max cackling behind me. Bastard. I handed Kristin her beer then laid on the chair next to her. When I reached out my hand she took it. I closed my eyes so I could see her in that bikini all I wanted.

She squeezed my hand, “How was shopping?”

“Brilliant, thanks.” I didn’t open my eyes. I let a few more minutes pass then looked over. She looked over when I let go of her hand, “Scoot, I’m coming over.”

She rolled to her side and moved back so I could join her. Once I was on the chair with her she snickered, “Hi, Nathan.” One hand propped up her head the other was on my shoulder.

I mirrored her with my hand on her waist. “’Ello, Kris.” I leaned in and kissed her. “My life is crazy and I don’t think I’d like it any other way. There are positives and negatives. I’m still learning how to manage both. I’ve tried to ignore the negatives, but reality is that it gets stuck in my thoughts. I try to keep that to myself so I don’t bother others. You, mom, the lads, friends. I guess I don’t want to look ungrateful or whiney. I don’t need to do that with you.”

She shook her head with the slightest smile, “No, you don’t.”

“I know that we’ve talked about it before, but only when it’s gotten overwhelming. I need to talk before it gets that far. I don’t know if I need for you to simply listen, to tell me it does suck, tell me to suck it up, or to help me figure out what to do with it.” I shrugged. “All I know for certain is that everything . . . the good and bad . . . is better with you.” When we kissed I felt goose bumps spread over my skin. “I’m going to be quicker when twitter gets out of hand and I won’t be dodging questions in interviews. I’m leaving so much up to the fans’ imagination. That’s not about them, it’s about us. I know I can’t make the horrible stuff stop, but I can be perfectly clear that you are important to me. If I let their words go unanswered or always avoid the questions they will assume you aren’t that important, and I won’t run the risk of you ever wondering the same thing because I never stand up for us or talk about us.”

She looked shocked, “I’ve never thought that.”

I smiled, “Good, and I’ll make sure you don’t. If I’ve learned anything over the last three months it’s that you are the most important thing. Everything else will come and go, but you are what I love most. As long as I have you I’ll be a’right.”

“I love you.” She moved closer and hugged me.

I kissed her shoulder, “I love you too, Kris. I don’t ever want to hurt you again.”

We lay there kissing until that twat Jay threw a cup of freezing cold water on us.


	11. Chapter 11

~*~Kristin~*~

I’d be doing something vile and evil to Jay for throwing water on us. I guess part of me can see his point, but I was enjoying a little poolside make out session. I was sure some fan got video and the entire internet has seen. I was going to have to sign on and find it. I liked video of us doing things together. In the cabana Naressha, Kelsey, and I decided to dress for Vegas tonight. We would wait until the boys left before getting ready then show up before the show dressed in things that were too tight and too short. After all we were hitting a club after. 

The fans around the pool had loved the interview this morning. They’d thought the boys were funny and the non-single boys were romantic. They told us we were lucky. I knew I felt very lucky. Lucky that the last three months were over.

I followed Nathan up and relaxed on the bed while he got ready. There was a string of curse words from the bathroom. I walked to the door and leaned on the frame, “Problem?”

He was looking in mirror, “Too long between haircuts.” 

I didn’t see a thing wrong. Just out of the shower his hair was closer to curly than wavy. Once he used product and it dried, it was between straight and wavy. Today is was fighting him to be anything. “Want me to fix it?”

“Yes, please.” He smiled sweetly and I went to work. Heat from my curling iron gave rebellious waves a direction. When I was done he looked like him. He smiled, “Tell no one.”

I kissed him and laughed, “Our secret.” 

During a hug he walked me back out to the main room, “Are you going to tell me what dressing like Vegas means?”

“You’ll see . . .” I trailed off singing.

“Will I like it?”

“You’ll like it for a change, but not all the time.”

He smirked, “Fun! I have very fond memories of our last trip to Vegas.” 

I watched him getting dressed and then he put on a bracelet. I walked over and took his hand to see it, “New?” Leather braided cord was tied to a silver infinity symbol.

“Shopping trip.” He kissed me, “It’s how long I’ll love you.” I stood there silently while he finished. He’d just dropped the words then moved on. I, however, was still feeling them. “I’ll see you in bit, then?” I nodded. He pulled me into a hug and delivered an amazing kiss before walking out the door.

No more than a minute later my text alert went off:

From Nathan: Check the nightstand drawer

Obviously a bracelet box. I unwrapped to find a silver bracelet with an diamond accented infinity symbol. A slip of paper with his handwriting said, “For when you’re ready.”

 

~*~Nathan~*~

Apparently dressing “Vegas” means tight, short, and sparkly. Kristin walked into the dressing room in a sparkly black dress with a corset top and the smallest skirt imaginable. There were cut outs on the side so I could see (and feel) skin. She had on the highest heels I’d ever seen her in. Her hair was messy and she had on darker lipstick than her usual. I knew I was supposed to say something complimentary, but “oh fuck” was the only words I had. Then I saw the bracelet I’d bought on her wrist. I had all sorts of words now, but they took a back seat to “I love you” and kissing. If Jay fucked with me now we’d be short one for the show tonight.

“You look . . .” I shook my head and took in the swell of breasts over the top, “hot.”

She laughed and wiped at lipstick on my mouth, “A bit excessive, but that’s Vegas.”

I kissed her hand and touched the symbol on her wrist, “This is beautiful on you.”

“Thank you.” 

“No. Thank you.” I played along the cut out, touching her skin. “You stop my heart.” 

~*~*~

The gig was reserved seating and we’d arranged for three seats to be added in the aisle of the front row. It would be an effort to play to the crowd and not just make it a private gig for our girls. I’m positive I wanted to watch Kristin as much as she wanted to watch me. I know that being in love with her is nothing new, but tonight back were we started and where we’re starting over again. I was almost overwhelmed with it. 

The gig was over in an instant and we were being whisked out the back, through a hallway, and in the back entrance to the club. Kevin stayed with us while Nano went to find the girls. Either he did or we did. Kind of an empty threat, as we’d be mobbed and never make it, but it worked. Beers were on our table and we ordered shots. I proudly produced my “over 21” passport. Ha!

I didn’t even startle when Kristin’s hands came around my stomach. I swear, I could feel her behind me the second before her touch. The intensity of us tonight is incredible. I no longer felt overwhelmed. It was like being wrapped in something infinitely soft and warm. I felt full, where I’d felt empty. I felt loved. That feeling can not be underestimated. 

I laced my fingers with hers and turned around, “How is my love?”

“You were incredible tonight, Nathan. This was the best I’ve seen you, my favorite. Every note, every run, every movement.”

“Thank you.” Her words felt good. I kissed her, “We got shots.” I raised my eyebrows and led her to the table.

Everyone grabbed one and we downed them. Tom slammed his down, “A’right lets do this and move onto the partying.”

We hopped onto the bar and waited for the staff to hand us our mics. Singing to track is harder because it’s not necessarily the arrangement we’re using live, but the crowds are usually pretty forgiving. Tonight was no different. We assed off with the crowd, pulling random girls onto the bar to get dirty with. That always went over well. It also served as test drive for the single boys. I was feeling everything when I jumped off the bar. I grabbed Kristin’s hand, “Dance with me.” I led her to the floor and we danced to the throbbing beat. It was fun to be lost in the crowd and having fun. Care free. I didn’t care who was watching or what would be said. This was our time, what a night in Vegas was meant to be. We didn’t come off the floor until we needed a drink. 

We leaned onto the high table where Jay was. He stopped watching the crowd long enough to show us his phone. 

@VegasGirl: all of @TheWanted present and accounted for except @NathanTheWanted is missing.  
@HydeMe: @NathanTheWanted is on the dance floor shaking his ass.

Kristin and I laughed. I pulled out my phone for a bit of fun.

@NathanTheWanted: @VegasGirl you were looking in the wrong place. #ImHere  
@NPG0909: @HydeMe @NathanTheWanted is on the dance floor shaking his SWEET ass #important  
@NathanTheWanted: @NPG0909 I’m feeling objectified and dirty  
@NPG0909: @NathanTheWanted should I stop?  
@NathanTheWanted: @NPG0909 NO! I like it. #DanceWithMe

Luckily this time there was a part in a song that made it conceivable to slow dance. I wrapped around her and moved to the beat. When the song sped up, our movements did, but we didn’t separate. Most didn’t and we were just another couple getting dirty on the dance floor. We laughed our way back to the VIP section. Max was entertaining. We joined in the conversation for bit before Kristin pulled me away, “I’m ready to go.”

I was having fun and couldn’t help be a bit disappointed, but whatever she wanted. “You tired, baby girl?”

“No.” I guess my expression asked a question. “Hungry.”

I perked up, “I’m sure they have appetizers or something. What are you hungry for?”

She leaned in, sucking on my earlobe for a split second, “You.”

I closed my eyes. Part was embarrassed; the other part needed to recover from the lightning strike that went through me. I may have missed it, but I knew what it meant. I opened my eyes to see her smiling. I shook my head and felt my cheeks burn, “I’ll never be better than this.”

“Good. Ready to go?”

“Very much so.”


	12. Chapter 12

~*~Nathan~*~

I took Kristin’s hand and led her through the crowd and out the doors. There were fans hanging around who were too young to get into the club. I felt for them, but I was done working for the night. I kept her close and ignored the screaming of my name. Usually she encourages me to stop. Not tonight. She had her free hand holding onto my forearm as we headed to the elevator. Too many people were on with us. We were in the back. I reached over to hook a finger in the cut out of her dress and caress her skin. I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye. 

After unlocking the door I held it open for her to pass through. She led the way into the room, not stopping until we were past the bed in the open area. Then she turned to face me. I kept walking until I was inches from her. She put her hands on my waist. I put my hands on her face and kissed her. Despite the desire to dive in, I kept it calm for the first bit. I wanted her. I wanted us. And that made me anxious. When the kiss deepened I let go of her face and held her close. She’d felt so good pressed against me all night. Realistically our dirty dancing at the club had been further than this. Time to fix that.

I left her mouth and kissed along her neck, “You’re gorgeous and I want you.” I sucked the spot that made her knees give in, “I love you, Kris.”

Her hand slid over my butt, “I want you too, Nath. So much.” She sagged against me and squeezed my ass, “Love you, too.” I ran my hands over her back and ass. “Love your hands on me.”

I adored the breathy, needy quality to her voice. I kissed along her jaw, “I do not feel anything under this dress. Please tell me there’s some kind of magically smooth something going on here?”

Blue eyes met mine with a slow shake of her head, “Nothing.”

“So . . . when I take this off of you” I kissed her shoulder “you will be naked?”

“Completely.” She pulled my shirt up and I lifted my arms. She kissed along my collar bone, using her teeth on my shoulder. I sighed. Her hands roamed my chest and stomach, “I love touching you.” I bit my lip with a moan when her fingers teased my nipples. She knew just the right touch.

“I’ve missed you touching me.”

“It’s been too long.”

“It’s going to be a very long night.” I grabbed the bottom of her dress and peeled up. My eyes stayed on her body while getting rid of her dress. I wanted to see. I wanted to touch. My eyes started between her legs, over her stomach, and to her perfect breasts. I was so hard it hurt. When I dropped her dress I slid my hands down her arms then around to cup her breasts. My thumbs rubbed over her nipples until they were stiff. That’s when I bent my head to run circles around one with my tongue before taking it in my mouth.

“Oh god, Nathan. Feels so good.”

She ran her fingers into my hair, her other hand held onto my bicep. I gave the other the same attention. My fingers teasing the free one. I placed soft wet kisses up until I claimed her mouth again. I felt her hand on my cock. She squeezed and rubbed me over my jeans. I backed away the tiniest bit, “Get these pants off me.”

I felt her smile against my lips, “My pleasure.” She pushed away and undid my jeans. After she pushed them down I stepped out and kicked them away. Her hand wrapped around me, “Hard.”

I smirked, “Feels like I’ve been hard since you walked in the dressing room tonight. Fit girl.”

“Not just any fit girl though.”

“Ha ha, not at all.” I took her hand off my cock and put it around my back, “The only one I love. The only one that matters. The only one.” We kissed and the feel of her skin against my skin was amazing. Soft and warm. I could feel every curve against me. Her hard nipples pressed to my chest. My cock against her stomach. Hands roamed and it looked like we were dirty dancing again. I walked backward to the bed and sat down. I pulled her with me, but she pushed away to kiss down my chest and over my stomach. Soft kisses. Wet kisses. Tiny licks. Her kisses and touch were like nothing I’d ever experienced. “Fuck, it’s like you were made for me. Everything is incredible. The way you touch me.” 

“I love touching you.” She nipped at my hipbone. “Know what else I love?”

I smiled, “No.” Although I had a good idea.

“Let me show you.” 

I cried out as she took my cock all the way down. She pulled off and her tongue circled the head before taking me in again. “Oh god, oh god, ahh Kristin.” It felt so good. Her hair laying against my thigh and hip, tickling me with the bobbing of her head. I fisted the duvet and concentrated on my cock. God, how I needed to come. Almost there. With the way she was working me it wasn’t going to be much longer. I knew she could make me last as long as she wanted. “Wanna come. Need . . .” Felt too good to say more. I wasn’t above begging. I was right on the edge. Then her finger slid inside me. Stars burst behind my eyes, I screamed and came. 

I was trying to catch my breath. I felt her kissing up my body. That gave me a little time and felt so good. She was on her hands and knees above me. I pulled her down and was very thankful when she kissed me. I flipped over where I was above her to the side. I pulled her up fully onto the bed. While I kissed her my hands went back to playing with her breasts, down her stomach, and finally between her legs. I hooked her leg and pulled it to the side, giving me room. She was slippery and arched into my touch. I dipped my middle finger inside her then used the wetness to circle her clit.

“Mmm, have I told you how much I love your special blow jobs?”

Her giggle turned to a moan, “I got that by your reaction. Your screaming gave you away.”

I kissed her hungrily, “Your turn to scream.”

While I kissed down her body, my finger pulsed inside her. I moved between her legs and spread them as far as possible. I knew that the increased pressure made her more sensitive. Not make her come faster, because I didn’t want that, but more sensitive. I took my time exploring her, tasting all of her, until she was squirming. 

“You are evil.” I took this moment to flick my tongue over her clit. “Oh fuck, I love you.” 

Yeah, I thought so. I’m guessing I’m no longer evil either. Every sound she made was like music to my ears. The way she moved on the bed got me hard again. She squirmed and arched against me as I held her hips down. I slipped my fingers deep into her. She liked the resistance inside her when she came. I wanted to feel it. She grabbed me by the hair, “Nathan, so close, oh god, make me come for you. So good.” 

I sucked her clit and flicked my tongue over the tiny nub. I felt it start, felt her contract around my fingers in the seconds before she arched up off the bed and yelled my name. While I realized this was about her, I think I enjoyed it more than she did. This was my girl. 

Kristin still shook as I made my way up her body. The look in her eyes was pleasure, love, and satiated exhaustion. She put her arms around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. I eased down on her, my hips nestled between her legs, my cock laying against her warm wetness. I nuzzled my nose against hers, “Do you have any idea how happy I am at this moment?”

She trailed her nails over my neck, “I think I might.” She kissed me, licked at my lip, “Give me a moment.”

I smiled and shook my head, “Nope.” I reached between us and led my cock into her. “Because I know how tight you’re going to be and I want inside you.” I pushed inside her a little, “You can join in when you’ve got your second wind.” Ever so slowly I rocked into her until I was home. She planted her feet on the bed and circled her hips up into me. I kissed her, pressing her into the bed. We stayed still, just kissing. Slowly our hips started to move, a gentle rolling that increased to long thrusts that had us both moaning.

“You feel so good.” 

Kristin dug her nails into my ass, “You feel so good.” She hooked a leg over my hip. 

I sat back and pulled her leg up over my shoulder. I kissed her leg and worked deeper into her. I never wanted this to end and I wanted it over so we could begin again. I collapsed back onto her then rolled us to our sides. I needed the closeness. I had to be able to touch her. To talk to her. “Tell me you love me.”

She bit her lip, “I love you, Nathan. I’ll always love you.”

“I’ll always love you.” We locked eyes and kept our movements small. “You make me happy. You make my life happy and better. Everything’s better, even when you’re not here, knowing you love me.”

She put her hands on my face, “I’m not going anywhere.”

She kissed me and it grew with intensity. We wound up wrapped up in each other again, our hips pounding into each other. Soon we were gasping for breath and kissing and whispering each other’s name. I barely felt a twitch inside her and that sent me over the edge, “Kris, come with me.” She obeyed and clung to me as we shook. This was complete heaven. We kissed more, letting our bodies come down. When we separated, we kept our foreheads together. “I think I like the kissing after almost as much as the kissing before.” I smoothed my hands over her skin, part of me still not completely sure this was real.

She was very quiet and kept up a slow touch over my back, “They’re both good.”

“This was good. Felt so good. More than making love.” There was a question in there somewhere.

She smiled at me. She knew. She always knew. “Yeah, baby boy, it was.” 

I was scared to ask, but everything the last few weeks had been scary. I was getting used to being scared and doing it anyway. I kissed her tentatively, “Are you mine again?”

The backs of her fingers ran over my cheek until I looked at her. Her eyes gave me the answer before her words, “Yes.”


End file.
